Tuesday, April 01, 2014

The end of the beginning and the beginning of the end

When I was small I wanted to be a writer.  I thought reading was the greatest thing in the world, and if I could just be the creator behind the magic that leaped from the pages of so many of my beloved, dog eared books, well, that would just be plain incredible.
And then, I don't know what happened. I think I became too generic, or maybe too lazy, or maybe both, but lately, I've been having amazing dreams, which demand that they are in some way recorded, indirectly or otherwise.
And here I am, writing a blog ostensibly in the name of my soon to be state, due to my soon to be implanted spinal cord stimulator (SCS). Finally driven to action by illness and desperation.
I've found very few blogs on this subject, and for those I have found, I am grateful to them for sharing their stories. Their candour assisted me in determining to proceed with such a momentous decision. It's been almost two hopeless, relentlessly pain filled years since I became sick with pneumonia, which left me with the debilitating chest pain which the SCS promises to cure, and it's been two weeks since the trial surgery, which was an astounding success.
I'm overflowing with anxiety and excitedness, positivity and domesday thoughts, and I don't know how I can possible express everything or anything at all.  So, I guess, what I'll do for now, when there's just one more sleep to go, is just say to myself that I'm just going to do it one word at a time…  and come back to you on the other side….part cyborg, well you know, I just like the drama.

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