Melancholia, ramblings and the nice things that people do

Here is my ode to Melancholia

How can I ever utter words that can't be said 

How can I write down words which never should be read
These words are mine,  these thoughts are mine,  I have not been led
These are things that stay with you long after you are dead
Why this pain, so devout
I'm no pulpit I make no call
This worship always so cold and cruel
This is it, the sermon over
Lay me down surround by clover
There's no way out, but through that field
No shepherds there will have me yield
I want no part, I have no faith,
Can't feed pretense for other's sake
It is that bad
It's worse than that
All light has left, there's only black.

Wow, sorry, better out than in right? Unexpected poetising (sic) despite currently possessing the power of the shower. I always think of the Addams Family when I hear of Melancholia, an amusing name, not such an amusing state.  However, it’s not a perennial state. I have the most amazingly friends in the world. They constantly do amazing things to try to make things better. One of my very best friends since I was little, (of thirty years tenure indeed!), inhabits another state, so we rarely see each other. Regardless, our friendship has never changed, she has never changed, and I know that she is always thinking of me.  This week, a game’s been invented.  Along, “Where’s Wally?” lines, but in this case, “Where’s the Mushroom Man?”  She hides a toadstool with a somewhat amusing face in various places, including public ones, and shoots a picture to me. It is for to me to find the fungus. I always wanted to be a super sleuth, unfortunately, so far, my powers of observation are somewhat lacking.  I blame the pixels, and that pesky perplexing porcini.

Another one of my very best friends will lie around with me all day long watching TV and talking absolute rubbish, as we’ve done forever.  Another pair of best friend gourmands regularly prepare and deliver great care packages of treats.

Despite being surrounded by these wonderful beings, and many more besides, I can’t help feeling very much on my own.  Disconnected.  Like I’m floating above the world watching things happen. Apart from the obvious depression, at least part of this feeling can be expressed neatly in a word. Solipsism. Philosophically, and metaphorically speaking that is, I'm in a version of such a state. Intrinsically linked to melancholia? Not necessarily, one can certainly exist without the other.  Although, in declaring a state of solipsism, am I then automatically rejecting the existence of all of you, and all of those dear friends I’ve only just now lauded? Ugh, too lofty for this here playground. Regardless, a marvelous word... Solipsism, solipsistic, either way, definitely up there in my favorites, words that is, not states of being. 

Ohh, I sense a tangent. Reciprocity, that's another good one, say it out loud, it's somehow so satisfying, in every way really, I guess. Sound , meaning, etymology.. Ooh etymology. Such a wordy word indeed.  Now, you see what I mean about rambling?  Why all this rambling, I don't know why, there's nothing else to enjoy right now, and I take great solace (there's another!) in words. What are your favourites? Something to think out loud about perhaps...

Post Script

Because every post needs a postcript.  Just in case you were wondering, my face bewilderingly remains infected, and continues to peel off in an unsightly fashion. I've been fashioning myself a niqab from a grey woolly snood to save others from being graced with my face.  I do like to think of others.