La Mer

It’s been a hiatus alright , of hippopotamus proportions.  Everything seemed to climb right on top of me and squish me flat, not flat enough to squeeze the air right out, but just so that I rather felt like that was happening. There’s been a move, and a holiday, and the thought of another holiday, and the prospect of so many other things, and a series of disappointments.  What was it I said about expectations?  Oh yes, I must read that bit again.  It’s my own fault.  My stupid brain.  Stupid, stupid brain.  The stimulator works, and then it doesn’t, and then it does, and then I get so confused as to what’s happening, I wonder if it finally is in my head, that it wasn’t then, but maybe that it is now. That’s possible isn’t it?  How am I ever going to get back to work? What if I go back, and then I can’t and then I’m stuck, in income protection limbo/ purgatory.. it really will be over, which will be a shame, because we finally have such a beautiful apartment.

Why can’t my chest just get better?  Why can’t it just be like it was in the trial, just the thought of that injustice kills me. But let this not just be a whaleboat of wallow, Let me speak to you of a cruiseliner.  I’m lucky to have a mater who’s a believer in the healing power of the rolling seas.  Yes, I’ve been cruising, with the grey army. Surprisingly, the food, as long as one stayed in the dining room, was remarkably good.  The waiters were adorable, the forced conversation at each meal at times delightful, at times trying, at times downright awful.  But, it was quite the cross section of society, so I suppose that’s to be expected.  I’ve learned that old men just love to bail up young girls and talk about themselves interminably, and that some old people are awfully rude.  I’ve also learned that one should never, ever dare to enter a buffet, and that those people who do gravitate to buffets often don’t know how to use cutlery.  Quelle horreure!  What is happening to the world?  Also, apparently people from Queensland do not own formal clothing.  Ok, judgment session over.  Apart from those obvious glitches, it was a relaxing time, and I had one marvelous morning with the pool all to myself during a torrential storm.  The waves pitched and heaved, as I did with them, and it was an amazing moment in time.  Until the sun came out, the people came out, and the peace was over.  I’m having another surgery tomorrow, I’m having another three electrodes implanted to try and get this dastardly, relentless pain… please let this be the one that works.  I still have to write about all things Tasmania.  More post op!